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The Queen of Pastry Land
Curtains open, writer is alone on stage, holding a large book.
WRITER
They’ve asked me to write a pantomime
Every bit has to be in rhyme
But how can I talk of lads and lasses
When nearly all carry bus passes? enter village maidens, all with walking sticks except one who is pushing a shopping trolley. they limp on and stand leaning on sticks.
So what I must ask you to do I think,
Is let your mind go on the blink
And remember days that were always sunny
When we senior cits were young and bonny.
all sing together to the tune of “boys and girls come out to play”
O.A.Ps come out to play,
Put your sticks and crutches away
all put sticks into shopping trolley and stand up straight
Throw away your zimmer frames
Join in all the fun and games
Come with a hop and come with a skip
Come with joy and let it rip,
Forget the bunions, forget the corns
Be happy as the day you were born. enter Charlie and Percy,
who is cuddling a teddy bear. they look around and study a map.
enter Rosemary and Apricot.
APRICOT
Welcome strangers to this pretty place
looks at each in turn. I don’t think I know your face
Have you come from far away?
And are you making plans to stay?
CHARLIE
I can’t tell you for I don’t know
If we shall stay or we shall go.
ROSEMARY
I do hope you can settle here
And stay around for many a year
You’d both be happy I’d be bound
‘Bye bye for now, we’ll see you around.
all exit singing.
enter Queen of Hearts waving a rolling pin.
QUEEN
Make way, make way for your Queen,
Oh dear, there’s no one to be seen.
There should be crowds to wave and cheer
I wonder why there’s no one here?
enter Charlie and Percy. The Queen beckons them over.
QUEEN
Hey there come here and tell me true, Who’s this? pokes Percy with the rolling pin.
And who are you?
CHARLIE
I’m Norman the Knave, Your Royal Majesty bows low
At least that’s the name my Ma gave to me
But I call myself Charles the Jester
Known to all as Charlie Che...